Where’s my glow?

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I have been getting lots of freebies for baby, and with such boxes as my Cow & Gate and Aptamil (above) with the company logo all over the packaging, I have no doubt our postie knows our news LOL!
My latest colitis appointment was a relief, I was told to double my current meds so we can put off having to take steroids a little longer. Though my symptoms have all kind of combined into my pregnancy symptoms. Everything I have read so far say how in the second trimester things get easier and you have a pregnancy glow… Well I am still tired (could be colitis though) but one thing is for sure the feeling that I am breathing fire which I’ve had since the beginning, is definitely baby related! 😀 I have the teenage outbreak over my face, but I’m savouring it all, but just wondering where that elusive glow is!

It’s strange, even though it’s been in the planning stages for about 2 years (tracking periods, wanting to be married for long enough that we got to enjoy the time just the 2 of us, assessing where we were in our jobs and when we felt ready etc) It still doesn’t seem real. I often just take a moment, sit and think “there is a baby in my tummy!”

It hasn’t been an easy journey to get to here though. Remember in the New Year I posted how I had an awful Christmas? Well we were overjoyed to fall pregnant in November but sadly 3 days after Christmas we lost the baby. It was a super tough time for me anyway as Thursday before Christmas I was told I was losing my job and Gareth was very unwell that at one point the doctors thought he had kidney failure. To lose the baby as well nearly destroyed me. I couldn’t function at work the first day back in the new year and was signed off for the rest of the week, only to then go back to work and it be my last day. I felt like I couldn’t have been any lower. I just kept reliving the nightmare of being at A&E and bleeding, and the rest of the nightmare that went with it including my very first ultrasound at 7 weeks to the day which showed exactly what we had feared. I was in and out of hospital a lot over that Christmas week as I had lost the baby before anyone could see it, I had to undergo tests to rule out an ectopic pregnancy.

Then I got my new job, and things looked better, and we fell pregnant again but at the beginning of the pregnancy I was bleeding again. My world was falling apart and I was going to the doctors on a weekly basis only to be turned away and told to go back the following week if we were still getting a positive test. This went on for about a month, I was promised a private scan at 7 weeks, but then they changed their minds and said I would have to wait longer. Yet in my first pregnancy when I was bleeding I was referred for a scan that very same day at 7 weeks. In the end, we had given up on the NHS, and went for a private scan where we were then told that they had cancelled the appointment and had been trying to get a hold of me! I was beside myself and luckily a very nice receptionist at the hospital tracked someone down to do the procedure, went home to feed her kids and dog and came back to look after us as it was late and we had been there waiting hours and hours.

They turned the screen away from us until the baby was seen and then we were shown our little fighter looking more like a shrimp, with beating heart. Needless to say, I bawled my eyes out with joy! The worry didn’t end there though, and for the next 5 weeks, I was still so scared that something would go wrong (because it could have) but after a bit of a shaky start, we saw our baby (looking more like a baby this time!) at our first proper ultrasound, waving at us, and kicking their little legs! More tears of joy ensued! I went back to the doctors and demanded to have my details passed on to the midwife and with my scan pictures and report from the private hospital in hands, they couldn’t argue anymore and *touch wood* everything has been going just fine. Minus the colitis of course.

Miscarriage is so very common, yet not very many people talk about it. Though I’ve been talking about it to close friends and family, it has taken me a while to be able to talk about it publically. But that’s our story of how we got here 🙂

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